I wasn't, when it first got announced. But when I climbed into bed and closed my eyes, it started nagging at me. I couldn't just lie there working myself up. Figured I'd let off some steam by practicing. I've...never felt this way before.
Ah, well... Yes and no. I don't think that's quite it. I'm always chosen. Always. That's such an obvious truth that I never even consciously processed it. But now I see that was only possible because of Jamil's constant sacrifices. He created that "truth" in my mind by always holding back. By always letting me win. ...It stings. "Galling" doesn't even begin to describe it.
Geez, gettin' a sincere apology makes me feel like I kicked a puppy or somethin'. Ace or Deuce woulda hit me with a comeback... Ahem! Look, if that's how you feel, then you'd better win!
That's a good way to look at it. I'll keep working hard, so don't give up on me, okay? I wouldn't want to disturb the others' sleep, so I'll stop for now and call it a night.
